A short question..

In the weekend that just went by, I dragged my husband AND the mil, who is visiting, to my most favourite haunt in Bangalore- Blossoms! And spent a tiny fortune on books. Not surprising considering my love for them. However, this time around, there were some new additions apart from the usual suspects, in the books I bought.

I bought 3 Enid Blyton books for the 8 year old niece- all 3 of which are my favourites. I got her the Faraway Tree collection of stories and the first two books of St.Clares…

Yesterday, my spirits had sunk so low that I really needed a lift. What better book than one written by Enid Blyton? I read the first book of the St.Clare series until midnight…

It has been a little more than a decade since I had revisited these books. All the characters, all their idiosyncracies just seemed to call out to me as I read them.Pat, Isable, Ms.Theobald,Ms.Roberts, Mamzelle- it seemed like I was reading about friends whose habits had never changed over the years. It was like looking at an old, long lost family album. It was like coming home.

Have you ever read a book like that? A book after oh-so-many years? How did it feel? Especially if the book is a childhood-favourite? Was the experience any different?

 

writing in..from under a rock.

Hello… How are you all doing? I have been away for so long from this space and the comments space of all the other blogs I visit normally that, it feels alien to even type here.

 

I have no excuses as such for being away- maybe laziness, maybe the fact that I had nothing to say-absolutely nothing, over the past few months.Most of the time was spent on travelling- not necessarily pleasure travelling. More like fulfilling some commitments or the other. I am more tired than rejuvenated from all that travelling.

However, I have read all of your blogs pretty consistently. I just did not comment. Again, I don’t know why- I think I had nothing much to say to anyone. Do I sound depressed? Err, I guess I do- bear with me, people.

Not hearing any good news these days from anywhere. Even reading the paper upsets me. As I was telling E the other day, what world are we willingly bringing children into? A society where people can threaten to throw acid for wearing jeans? One where mobs thrash young girls and boys for having a little fun? A society where a security guard tries to rape and ends up killing a 25 year old woman because she resisted his attempt to rape her?

What place do we live in? Where are we heading? I know this probably sounds like a clichéd rant more than anything else- but, really, I am appalled, hurt and upset at this current state of affairs.

If I am scared for the children of today/tomorrow, I can only imagine the fear lesser privileged sections of society possess.

Sometimes, I just want to live under a rock and surface only when I feel like it.

PS: This post was written yesterday; my mood has not really improved. But I am willing to write about something else- for now.

 

The past month …

I know I have neglected this blog far too much now, what is worse is not only have I neglected the blog I have also altogether neglected commenting on other blogs :O

Well, trust me when I say I have been lurking around all your blogs but shamelessly not commenting citing ” lack of time management” as a reason for it.

I am going to get to that soon but and that is because I have missed you guys a lot. Missed the companionship blogging gave me.

The past month and then some more have not exactly been easy on me. A lot of things happened, to summarize-

• I learnt quite a bit about people management. Wait, doesn’t this sound like regular management faff? No, I really, really mean PEOPLE management. You know, ALL kinds of people- how they react to different situations and how it is best to cover one’s back because else you’ll be left wondering what hit you!
• I got a job. Have been working for a little over a month now- hardly feels that way, feels more like I’ve been adopted by the company 😀 The job was found after a LOT of searching and agonizing over with some of you. I work for a start-up and those of you who have the experience of working in one, will know what I am talking about when I say I barely have time to breathe. Additionally they required that I work 6 days a week (weekend included) for sometime. So, THAT has been maddenning. And yet, I don’t feel the terror grip me as I go to work each day, barely managing a house ( something I never quite attributed to myself, simply because I was too lazy) and managing a job that is as demanding as this one. I just hope I have the energy to run along with this and not give up- reason I say this is it is quite taxing, especially the travel. I change some 3 modes of transport before I reach this workplace. And this kind of travel, in Bangalore, is NOT fun.
• I turned 25 a few days back. A fact I am admitting here wonly. Ask the husband and he will tell you how I have been harping on and on about turning *one*. What? I am one only yah.
• Now, the thing that has been worrying me over the past week- haven’t been keeping well and it has really added quite a bit of tension on to me, the husband, my family, extended family- you get the drift,right? Please keep me in your prayers guys. I’m really hoping it is nothing serious.

Lastly, a very happy new year/vishu to those of you who celebrate! I kept my first-vishu kani in this house and even added a funky looking maavu-kolam before I did that. Happy new year to you and to yours.

 

 

Perspectives

Me: (Exclaiming excitedly at some random couple) Oh look at them, they must be newly married. Oh look at her- her mehendi, those bangles, the thaali( whatever evidence I can see openly,shamelessly). Oh look,look,look,

The husband: hmm, ya( a long,drawn bored ya where the ya is stifling a yawn,almost)

Me: Isn’t she pretty? Isn’t there an indescribable beauty in her face? Aww, look at them together. Don’t they look so wonderful?

The husband:hmmmmmm. ya.

Me: Huh, god – you can’t even react to something so beautiful? I mean how can you not feel ANYTHING looking at them? GOD, I just don’t understand.

The husband: silence.

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The husband : (Extremely excited about something) HEYYYYYYYYYYY! Look,look,look.

Me: (really bored) enna?

The husband: See, new honda city! Wow,looks nice la? Look at the number plate! To be registered ! Doesn’t it look super cool?

Me: silence

Sure enough,  there was a new car just a little ahead of us. I look back at the husband’s face which is filled with almost childlike-glee at spotting it.

Yes, a new car excites us oh-so-much. Even if the new car isn’t ours. 

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polambal…

There are times in my life when the negativity I bring upon myself crowds me SO much that I wish I could run away. From myself.

That is how cowardly I am. I do not feel like standing up to the things bothering me. Do not feel like doing anything about anything.

When I feel the unfairness of everything hits me more than at other times. When I wish for you to live here instead of seven seas across. When I wish for a sibling I could call my own despite your existence.

When I wish to sulk and throw tantrums and act even more immature . When I want to say out loud the dark thoughts that jostle for space in my head. When I want to spell things out to people who refuse to believe in an art called dialogue.

When I want to break hearts. And then break my own thinking about how I have changed. On the shielding and protection I had and how naked I feel now.

When I wish you could read into my head and actually *do* something about it. Instead of talking about it. Sometimes, I don’t want to talk. I just want you to know. I just wish you would act upon it.

There are times I just think how wonderful it would be if there were no expectations. From anyone towards anyone. And of course, that includes me.

 

 

 

monday blues…

To beat my I-am-feeling-so-sorry-for-myself syndrome, here is a list of things I tried/trying –

• Read a LOT of stuff on home decor,a topic which never fails to excite me. I *love* reading about such stuff and telling myself that I am SO going to do this. And that. Only to realize that half the day has been spent in reading only .

    

• This is my current playlist, if you think the songs are a terrible mish-mash-yes, you are right of course! They are an incredible mish mash because that is exactly how I feel currently. Mish-mashy. If you knew tamil, I’d use the word molagutal to indicate my current state. So,onto the songs- Un Uyir Nanban from Kulir 100 Degree, Oh Meri Soni from Yaadon Ki Baraat,TiAmo by GinaG, Run by Leona Lewis, Kanden Kanden from Pirivom Santhipom, Poova Eduthu from Ammam Kozhil Kizhakalle,Poovukellam Siragu from a random Ajit starrer, the name of which I cannot recall,Pani Vizhum Iravu from Mouna Ragam, Karrupinazhuku from a Malayalam movie …

• I finished reading a book that I’d begun a few days back making me realize how little time I seem to give to what is supposedly my primary passion-books. Anyway, since the book ended in a happy way, I felt better than what I did . Yes, I am a sucker for good endings. Does it make a happy camper when it comes to some good,serious books that need not necessarily end the way I want it to? Well, maybe not too happy but, I still love reading for  the language. I enjoy appreciating the way the language is used through the book-sad endings notwithstanding.

 

• Hung my laundry out to dry. Now,before you wonder if I have gone a little mad,here’s the deal- I love putting the clothes out to dry. Think about it, the clothes have this amazing fabric softener smell on them and are not as wet as they would be had they been hand-washed. I love them! I enjoy the practice of carrying the clothes from the machine which is in a small utility room to the balcony. It gives me a sort of satisfaction to see the sun hitting the clothes through the window sills .. Ok,ok I will stop 🙂

• I am willing myself to stop browsing food websites and actually do something. How many of you (of the few who read my blog) like dimsums? I love them. And from the way I gorge on them, it seems I have no fancy preferences of any kind when it comes to dimsums. Reason I say that is because, usually ,when we love something, our standards for that something is very high. It should be this way ONLY is how most of us think. However, I have no shame standards as such when it comes to my favourite Chinese cuisine. Anything and Everything seems to work just fine. Food from the local momos waala-ok,super! Food from Mainland China-Wow,super again! Food from my kitchen- same reaction,ok maybe a little less enthu because cooking usually removes the hunger pangs-I have no idea,why! You get the drift right.

That’s about it -I hope you people had a fun weekend. Have a super week ahead!

 

Small things that made me smile

I have been very busy and ill over the past few days..Ok,ill-more and busy-less.
Have been travelling,caught an awful flu bug that refuses to go away making my voice sound like a very famous ex-CM of Tamil Nadu with a sore throat.

I just thought I’d document somethings that made me smile the past few days to read on some dreary days:

-A very nice executive at Reliance World who made my upto that point screwed-up day much better with his patient hearing and understanding.

-A thank-you from the old lady who was struggling to get down the train with her monstrous bags for my help with her luggage.

-A toothless smile from the incredibly cute niece for every word I speak. I am so thrilled about this blind adoration.

-The husband who had bought a pack of baked chips to the station just because he knew I love to eat gorge on them.

-The aunt who patiently bore my outbursts about life without giving me the “such is life” shit that the progenitor is famous for.

-This girl who sent me a message asking me if all was well since I had practically disappeared for a few days now.

I could go on but I am going to stop here because my throat calls for some gargling(which I cannot do by the way and often ridiculed for by all and sundry.Hmmpf).

Hope all is well with all of you,take care you guys because tis the season of “change in weather”.

Ugh. I abhor that word.

 

loopy tunes

Some songs I listen to endlessly on some days…

I first heard this song on a memorial video for a 19 year old girl made by her friend. It was one of the most beautiful videos I had ever seen and the song just got stuck in my head for its lyrics and the way its been sung.

 

 

And then there is this small track that was played in periodic intervals in the film Salangai Oli . I have searched for this track,for years on end because after I saw the movie, I knew I HAD to listen to this particular BGM again and somehow it was nowhere to be found until someone uploaded it on YouTube finally.

 

 

I almost always enjoy theme music,always-there is something about the no-lyric, instruments only part of music that endears itself to me, I suppose. Barring a few theme songs that have gone completely awry, I think I enjoy most. But then enjoying a track is different from liking it enough to play it non-stop and drive the husband NUTS,especially during drives…

Again, this is another Ilayaraja track but played here by a musician, Rajesh Vaidhya- I don’t have much to say about this song because sometimes the beauty of a song speaks more than the words I can possibly use. This is one such.

 

 

And another track, again from a classic movie-I realize most of these songs are famous and much loved.

 

 

How can I talk of theme music and not talk of Rehman 🙂 An all-time fav from Roja..

 

 

The following song means a lot personally and musically 🙂 And I will blog about it sometime later ! For now, here’s the video for those of you who happened to have missed hearing this beautiful song.

 

 

In line with my love for theme music, here is another track from the movie Mayakkam Enna that I’ve begun to love,especially the last part. The composer of this song is ARR’s nephew,guess a lot of good stuff also gets passed on through the genes 🙂

 

 

In case you have reached this far, wow you must have some patience and a LOT of interest in music – I just wanted to write a post on music and somehow this came about. I will posting a lot of such videos periodically because music and books are probably two of the most important things in my life and I’d love to share anything about them here with anyone who pass by this blog.

 

 

 

 

 

a light scare and some learnings

Neither me nor the husband boast of the best teeth in the world- infact, we are so much in sync for all sorts of dental trouble,predominantly caused by cavities and their aftermath.

Unlike me, the husband flosses multiple times, brushes properly( I brush too,its just that I’m known to miss the nightly ritual) and basically does everything most dentists recommend regularly.

A while back, he felt a small portion of his tooth broken and *gulp* realized that it might have disintegrated along with the food. This horrific realization was enough for me to start nagging him to visit the dentist. As if my agonies weren’t enough, we had well-meaning people telling us that the part of the tooth that he has supposedly swallowed might tear a portion of his stomach :O :O :O

I was appalled on hearing this and literally pushed him to make the appointment as we do not see such things with the same level of importance as in most houses, I suppose. Sigh.

The doc had a look,told us it was nothing much to worry and asked us to schedule an appointment for his root canal. I even asked her about the tearing part( yes, I know- I get worked up when people tell us such things, regardless of what my brain tells me). She said it was nothing of that sort.And we relaxed. A little too much.

Before we scheduled the next appointment, we went on a short vacation and got back to work and fun. Basically forgot all about it.

The previous weekend, the pain started slowly. By Monday he was in considerable agony. Upon calling the usual dentists , we were told that they were on vacation now and for this entire week!!! Even then, our man thinking his ability to withstand pain is second to no other kept calm. However by evening, he realized that he was not going to be able to do ANYTHING else unless he does something about the pain.

What followed is something I can never forget because it was one of those times when you feel helpless and wish you could be more useful to the situation than just be a silent spectator.

Since the pain began to worsen , we decided to find the nearest-decent dental clinic open and just gate crash there. Fortunately for us, we did find something although a good 20-25 mins away.Still, as long as someone was there and ready to look at his teeth, we couldn’t care less then.

However, there was a small deal here-he had to drive us there since I do not know to drive.

Believe me, the agony of seeing someone in pain and having to drive himself to the hospital is enough to shake you. And it did. It shook me so badly that I was trembling at his pain and at my total helplessness. Not that he minded too much,but still, I knew the kind of pain he would have been in and I could not,for the life of me,imagine myself driving with it.

I believe that day was a day with a lesson for me- LEARN TO DRIVE NOW! I don’t think I will put off learning anymore. Not after the scare. I keep thinking what would have happened had he not been in a position to drive? Had it been something worse? If we had to travel a longer distance?

I know that public transport and taxis exist.But believe me, I have trouble finding autos in broad daylight when I travel to work. I don’t even want to imagine an emergency situation where friends are currently away and public transport unavailable.

 

Back to blogging…again..

After yet another hiatus, I am trying to blog again- this time, anonymously. Reason?

I consider myself more of a blog-reader than a blog writer as such, for the simple reason that I spend hours reading my favourite blogs and not bothering to update my own. One of the main reasons for that was that I wanted to voice my opinions on a lot of things but I don’t really want the limelight. Does that make sense? I don’t really know-I just want to blog anonymously because I enjoy the anonymity and the privacy that comes with a pseudo name. It lets me be me in ways I don’t know if I could be otherwise.

Anyway, moving on- I expect to be faithful atleast to this one(*gulp) and update it regularly. 

Last year, around this time, I was stuck in a rut with a job I hated,bosses from hell,a nagging health issue. The only solace then were close friends,my family and the fiance. I feel liberated just to think that I am out of the hell-hole I was in with respect to the work environment. To say it was toxic would be putting it mildly.

I detested everything about it except the friends I was surrounded by. As I crib a lot to the husband about my many sufferings there, I wonder now if I over-reacted especially since the max reaction I would get from him would be “hmm,hmmmmmm,hmmmmmmmmm”.

I would be ranting on and on and this would be the reaction.

But then, I remember the hopelessness I felt about the way things had panned out at work, the despair and the absolute fear I would feel every Sunday evening and every single day morning(except Friday,for obvious reasons) and I feel it could not have been done any other way.

The other question that I also ask is “Am I happy that I took that call”- oh,yes! Definitely.

And with that, I frown at the husband and throw tantrums for not understanding my sogam in its entiriety, not using those expletives (that he so easily throws at anyone who does not follow basic traffic rules) at them, not cheering me up sufficiently. What are you looking at my blog like that for,huh? They should do all this na-basic expectations 😀